ANOTHER BIRTHDAY SUCCESSFULLY NEGOTIATED. MANAGED TO KEEP UP MY BIRTHDAY TRADITION OF VISITING ART GALLERIES. MORE GALLERIES NEXT WEEK WHEN WE GO BACK DOWN SOUTH. HOPING TO GET IN TO SEE COURTAULD GALLERY OR THE V AND A IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS.
MY LITTLE MONSTER CAME DOWN TO VISIT AND WAS FULL OF BEANS!
SHE’S SUCH A FUNNY GIRL AND A DELIGHT TO SPEND TIME WITH…
TRYING TO DO NORMAL THINGS TODAY, FIRST UP BATH, SHAVE AND CUT MY HAIR. THEN I’M GOING TO WORK ON A NEW PAINTING. EACH LITTLE ACT PUSHES THE MADNESS FURTHER AWAY. THE INTERNAL MADNESS CANNOT BE DENIED, BUT THE EXTERNAL MADNESS DOES NOT NEED TO OCCUPY MY MIND CONTINUALLY.
Some home truths. three years ago this week my beloved died. Although I denied it… all I wanted to do was die. Not a romantic notion, or a romantic gesture, I just wanted to die.
To this end, I took ludicrous amounts of alcohol and drugs. I never actually took enough of either to quite get there, but I experimented to find an “accidental amount” which would do the job.
Yet I’m still here… Even after the worst two years known to man, I’m still here. There are reasons. My kids, my grandchild, gave me a hook to hold on to. I wanted to still be their reliable father. I have had the best person to support me through all the shit of the last three years. I have the wonderful Janet… who even though she went through her own private Idaho (Hell), has been an amazing partner.
I have friends all over the world who have fed me good will love and prayers.
A PSYCHEDELIC TRIP INTO NOWHERE LAND. JUST FOR A CHANGE, I WENT DOWN MEMORY LANE TO WHERE IF YOU REMEMBERED IT YOU WERE NOT THERE.
ENJOYED PAINTING YESTERDAY, BUT IT IS QUITE HARD WHEN YOUR BODY IS FALLING TO PIECES. I FELT A BIT LIKE FRIEDA KAHLO AS I HAD TO KEEP COMING BACK TO BED INBETWEEN PAINT DRYING. ITS AMAZING HOW MUCH WORK SHE CREATED GIVEN THAT SHE LIVED IN CONSTANT PAIN.
HAD SOME GOOD NEWS WHICH IS QUITE BAD NEWS. I’VE RECEIVED EXTRA MONEY FROM GOVT, BECAUSE I’M OFFICIALLY HANDICAPPED. A TWO-EDGED SWORD. OK THE MONEY IS GOOD, BUT THE DESCRIPTION IS DEPRESSING. HOWEVER ONWARDS AND UPWARDS. I HAVE A PAINTING TO DO BUT AM STILL WAITING ON AN AMAZON DELIVERY FOR SUPPLIES. IT WAS NEXT DAY DELIVERY ON MONDAY. APPARENTLY NEXT DAY MEANS TWO DAYS AND MORNING MEANS AFTERNOON. BUT I’M SURE BEZOS IS WELL WORTH HIS BILLIONS.
WITH THIS ANNIVERSARY, I’M LUCKY. I HAVE THINGS TO DO. I HAVE TO GO TO TOWN FOR PAINTING SUPPLIES AND I HAVE A COMMISSIONED PAINTING TO COMPLETE. PROBABLY BETTER FOR ME IN THE LONG RUN THAN SITTING AROUND CIRCLING EVER INWARDS ON THE VAGARIES OF LIFE, MARIE WILL BE HAPPY WITH THAT, I THINK.