When I was younger I always went to gigs on my own. I had no idea why this was at the time, I just preferred it. Now I realise why. Music was my religion and gigs were my holy communion. I did not want my religious reverie reflected through the prism of someone else’s experience. I wanted my God, in this case David Bowie, to speak directly to me. I did not want to look to the person I was with, to see if they were getting it. I don’t know whether or not I was weird, I don’t know if I was showing signs of adhd or aspergers, or on the autistic spectrum…. labels didn’t come in until the 1990’s. I was just being me. Even beyond the sanctified arena of the gig, I was basically happier as a lone wolf. When I went to dances or discos if you will, I went alone and met up with a group of girls once inside. It was not in my nature to need a partner in crime. I was always more comfortable with female company. I saw this in very basic terms. I wasn’t sexually or emotionally interested in men, so why would I deliberately hang out with them… What’s in it for me? Obviously, there were circumstance where I needed the company of men, in sport mostly, team sports require a team. I loved rugby and football and played every weekend, but it was the game I loved not the clubbable atmosphere. I found the booze up after the game boorish and always left early. I went to the villa matches with my mate Gary… but we never stood together at the actual match. He went up the back of the Holte to be with the bovver boys and I stood alone in the middle to commune with my team in private.
None of this behaviour struck me as odd, but as an old man now, I’m surprised that I was allowed to get away with it at the time. Nobody ever called me out on it, which either suggests that I was called out behind my back or that I was naturally a good actor, and appeared to fit in easy for the rest of the time.
Marie was very much like me in temperament. She saw life in spiritual terms as well, hence her interest in the mystery schools and Gurdjieff. Which is probably why we were only really suited to each other. We were able to occupy each others solitude.
Anyway, here’s 20 bangers from bowie’s discography. Enjoy. Try not to cry.